Chain restaurant slogans are an important reflection of the experience to be found inside.
Applebee's, for instance, is "eatin' good in the neighborhood." It's short, it's got rhyme and it emphasizes that you'll be eating a) close to home and b) a tasty meal. Hooter's is fairly forward about what you'll find inside with their "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined." IHOP insists that you will fulfill the craving that brought you to their door with "Come hungry, leave happy." Domino's reminds you that they deliver: "Get the door, it's Domino's." Olive Garden opens it's faux-italian arms to you in saying, "When you're here, you're family." And Denny's, purveyor of late-night grease entices with "Always open."
Wait. That's it? Always open? You can't boast warmth, cheer or even satisfaction from the experience? How about: When you come a-knockin' some disgruntled, chain-smoking waitress with her hair in a bun and her two previous husband's rings stashed at home will serve you a plate of runny eggs, soggy bacon and a mug of black coffee brewed with no love, no joy, just genuine despair.
I guess that probably wouldn't fit on a billboard.
And check the time stamp, I just woke up for work.
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