What if Jesus had had a stunt double? That would have been cool. Ron, Jesus' Stand-in. I can see Jesus abusing this right. He'll take all the good bits, Ron gets the crappy stuff.

Angry Roman: Let's whip 'im! Then we'll stab him and give him a crown of thorns! Why not crucify 'im while we're at it!?

Jesus: Alright, Ron, you can take this.

Ron: But...I...you...you're God's son! No one will listen to Your Message if Ron, Jesus' Stunt Double dies for their sins.

Jesus: Ron, the Son of God just told you to take the punishment. No one said anything about death. Now, Get up on that stick, there's a lad.

Ron: So, this won't kill me?

Jesus: Uh...No! You're the stunt double for Jesus! God is almost your father. You think he'd let you die for this?

Ron: OK...but if I croak I'm coming after you in the afterlife.

Jesus: Sure you will. Hey, while you're nailed down. NOT TOUCHING YOU!!! NOT TOUCHING YOU!!!! (wiggles hands in Ron's face)

Ron: Cut that out! Quit it! Aren't you supposed to be a moral standard for humanity?

Jesus: Meh, you only live once.

And then, when the babes came around or gifts came his way, Jesus would step back in.

Ron: Ouch, who would have thought Immaculate Conception would be so painful. (God snickers)

Jesus: Yeah, thanks for that one buddy. Oh hey, who are these three wise guys?

Three Wise Men: We come bearing gifts for our new Messiah.

Ron: Thanks fellahs, I-

Jesus: Step aside, Ron, this looks like a job for the Real Thing. Thank you very much Wise Men. I accept your gifts with...eww, what's this? Frankincense? Loganberry? Here you go Ron, you can have the faulty prize.

Ron: Thanks...dick.

Jesus: What was that? Don't make me call God's wrath upon you.

Ron: Sorry, Jesus, sorry. God, no need to get pissy.

"A top professional underwater salvage team is hired by a Canadian Air Force pilot to investigate a mysterious vessel floating adrift off the coast of Alaska." This sentence is from a description of Ghost Ship in my local paper, the Portland (Maine) Press. I couldn't tell you why I was looking it up.

But Bowling for Columbine looks good.

I went to a concert on Saturday in the evening. It was sweet. Sevendust headlined, they are awesome. As intro sounds they had the Natural Born Killers edit of "Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails. I thought that was cool. It excited me and got me pumped for the show.
The band preceeding them, 30 Seconds to Mars, was pretty cool, too. I liked them. But when I was looking at them, the singer looked a lot like Jared Leto. I felt certain it was, but I've been wrong about things like this before. Anyway, the person I was there with, Jill, commented on it too. I checked it out when I got home, it is Jared Leto! Fantastic.
The band Cinder also played, they were cool. I recommend their stuff if you can find it and are into it.
Closure was meh.

I'm home now, pretty sweet. Long cold ride up. Bad weather. Minor complications in the morning. We weren't sure we were going to make it, looks like we persevered. Leave it to us, always ruining the Naysayers' self-confidence. I don't know if that is their collective self-confidence or each individual one. Either way you can be sure it has been dented by our efforts.

Finally, after months of toiling and only the Blogger's help section to guide me, my staring uncomprehendingly at the lines of code have paid off. I have set up my Archives. Its the 'cemetary.' Anyway, all the entries are now there, you don't have to scroll all the way to the bottom (or butt) or the page, causing undue wear and tear to your mouse and monitor. Scrolling is bad for your monitor. Seriously! No one ever believes me. It makes me so depressed. The other day I found out my anti-depressants are really tetracycline, which is an antibiotic. Not an anti-depressant. That just made things worse. The sky is perpetually gray for poor ol' Krister. Anyway, archives are up...not that that matters much...




GOD!!! Can't you TAKE a JOKE!!?! yeesh!

So, I'm cruising around an Online Dictionary and I stumbled upon the definition for bowel. I did stumble upon it, I was searching and the words all connected. I didn't just open up the page and look for 'bowel.' Anyway, I'm looking at the roots, it comes from latin, the word botellus, but that's not all. Botellus, it turns out, is a diminutive of the word botulus, which means sausage. Little sausage. Makes your intestines sound kind of cute. I think its funny.

Ramen noodles are a staple in my diet. I also consume vast quantities of Easy Mac and White Castle Cheeseburgers. But Ramen is the most interesting to me. It comes in a variety of flavors, yet the flavor is only determined by the little packets. So, your actual noodles don't really vary from package to package. Some day I'm gonna open up a packet of Beef Ramen and a Packet of Chicken Ramen and switch the flavor packets. I'm assuming the world would fall apart.

Upset by violence in schools these days? Blaming new things in the media? Here is something that should sober you up some. I'm talking about the worst case of school violence in American history. Over three times more were killed than Columbine, many of the victims much younger. Andrew Kehoe was his name. His epitaph remains poignant and terrifying to this day: Criminals are made, not born.

The sound alarm clocks make is really soul searing. It reaches down to the bottom of my spine and yanks up. The tone, pitch and frequency affect my psyche in a very negative manner. It might be something that develops after years of being woken by the accursed little box with the red LED numbers. Waking me from my slumber is something that easily invokes my wrath, especially if that slumber involves cartoons and my placement therein.

Whenever I hear it it seems to haunt me. I hear it in the ululations of the fan. I hear it in the murmurings of the hot water pipes. I hear it in the whispering of the air ducts. After I've woken up, when the waves ripple my eardrums it sticks inside my skull. As I walk through the halls and hear an alarm clock through a door, the call wedges itself on either side of my skull, about two inches behind my ears. There you will find little bumps that form naturally (hopefully) in the human skull. These are my "annoying buzz" receptors, and it keeps echoing in those spots, creating an unpleasant heat and pressure. The mounds also pick up the television buzz and bugs that are too close to my ear.

Alarm clocks are evil. Unfortunately, it is the only thing-next to extreme measures involving fire/forceful removal from bed-that works on waking me up. Recently I had my alarm clock set on the music mode, no effect. My roommate turned it off, reaching over my sleeping body to do so, and screamed "Krister, Your alarm clock went off!" It wasn't even set on a station, it was set on static! How'd that not wake me up?

If I were to meet the guy who invented alarm clocks I'd beat him about the head and shoulders with a...well, whatever is handy. I'd beat him until his face was a slimy puddle on the pavement.

Well, election day has come and gone bringing disappointing results. I, unfortunately, am a hypocrite and will be one until I can vote again. As I failed to request an absentee ballot in time. This makes me feel awful. It makes me feel like pond scum, like dog shit you scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
Anyway. A site has come to my attention. Write your own Bush Speech. It seems pretty cool. You write your own speech using words supplied and then the program says the words. Words words words. It is cool. I recently had him say:
Saddam Hussein is Great. One Day the world we created will conflict freedom, peace, justice, afghanistan and beyond. We mad above all. America stands commited to deceitful dictators, violent ambition, persistant poverty, further destruction, ragin disease, wickedness, broken treaties and suffering in the united states nations. Iraq would be destroyed to kill squandered lives on a massive scale.
I think its funny because it is true. And scary.

Dialects are cool. Not only for accents, but for the different variety and spice they bring to life. In a class not too long ago we started talking about the Amish. They speak quite funny, it turns out. This I did not know, the teacher gave us an example. Two Amish folk, a father and son, are sitting at the train station watching the train. The son says, "Papa, when goes the little red car the train is all, ain't?"
Another nice thing is that on the internet you can talk all the shit about the Amish you want, and they'll never know.

Because of widespread media dialects are slowly trickling away. They will always be around, probably, but no where near as pronounced. Heh, no pun intended.

A gorilla, Kibabu, at the Taronga zoo has had some problems impregnating the members of his harem. The zoo officials wish to rectify this with artificial insemination, but they can't agree how to do it. One of the suggestions was to sedate the gorilla and then use *cough* manual stimulation. To which a zookeeper replied, "Its too bloody dangerous. What if he wakes up?"

Its a funny world. But not a hilarious world. Or a laugh out loud world. Unless you think its funny that the ones "running" the planet are weak, small and spend a bizarre amount of time triming their fingernails is funny.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin

Take that security people! Well loved founding father openly denounced the need for militant stupidity!