Oh man!

Oh man, so it's been a month since I've posted. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I've got an idea for a diatribe against Governor Palin but I'm running late for work and just can't be bothered about it at the moment.

So instead I've just got further proof that I'm not alone in realizing that the octopus will conquer the world. It's coming guys, prepare yourselves.

OK. So that's all for now. Maybe I'll also post about enjoying my job. We'll see.

It's Even Worse Than I Thought

Guys. Oh god. Guys. This is terrible.

Horrible, really.

There are octopuses out there with more than 8 arms. In fact, they have a specimen with 96 tentacles




96!

This monstrosity even reproduced, though I am relieved to report that all of her fiendish spawn not only died, they had the normal amount of legs.

But imagine, just imagine, that horrible, sticking, wet sensation as an octopus grabs onto your leg to drag you to the inky depths. Now imagine it times 12! There would be no escape. No time to scream, to call for help or even to send one last, hard telepathic thought of love and warmth to your dear ones.

There would only be the hideous grapple. Then cold death on the bottom of the ocean. She would suck out your eyes and each tentacle would grow stronger and she would wait for her next victim.

Nature is a cruel beast.

His Cousins are creepy, too.

Oh god. You guys. It's closer than I feared.



The octopocalypse. Man. Dangit. I had stuff I wanted to do. Well, if you need me, I'm moving out to a mountain in the desert. Those eightleggers do like their water. Join me, we'll form the last stronghold of humanity. Hopefully it'll be like the Battle of Helms Deep.

We must study their habits

The better we prepare ourselves the better we'll be able to defend ourselves.

"They favor their first left tentacles, boys, you know where to slash!"

via bOINGbOING

It's Meta, Man

In an interview called "True Confessions," Tom waits is interviewed by none other than Tom Waits.

He says some lovely, profound, weird and way-out things. But I think you'll all realize, as I did, that deep down he's a reasonable guy. He understands. Particularly when you read this passage:

Q: How would you compare guitarists Marc Ribot and Smokey Hormel?
A: Octopus have eight and squid have ten tentacles,
each with hundreds of suction cups and each have the power to burst a man's artery. They have small birdlike beaks used to inject venom into a victim. Some gigantic squid and octopus with one hundred foot tentacles have been reported. Squids have been known to pull down entire boats to feed on the disoriented sailors in the water. Many believe unexplained, sunken deep-sea vessels, and entire boat disappearances are the handiwork of giant squid.

The man is a genius. Although I will point out that fear of squid is misguided. They have no real intelligence or ambition.

It's the octopuses, man. Look out.

Next? A Bumblebee

MORE reasons that Octopuses are terrifying.

This one Mimics stuff to trick th'animals around it. The video shows flounder, sea snake and lion fish as well as some basic octopus evasion techniques.

If you see a man walking strangely up the street, not saying anything and perhaps gasping a bit as though out of breath, I recommend you waste no time and attack! For if you don't, the octopus will surely be revealed and you will just as surely be dead.

A wonderful new drug

Scientists are trying to make a drug that will diminish social anxiety. I didn't even bother reading the whole article because this wonderful "new" drug already exists. And it's called alcohol. Geez, scientists, get with the program. Why not study something useful? Like perhaps how to stop the inevitable octopus menace?

I almost wrote "inevitable zombie menace" and then realized that'd be less horrifying and more awesome. Zombies aren't smart, they don't have eight prehensile limbs (sometimes they don't even have four limbs!) and they only want brains. Octopuses want power, crabs and to drag you to an inky, horrible and cold death and swallow your soul.

Octopocalypse. It'll happen. I'll be ready. And by ready I mean shrieking on a chair in the kitchen like 50s sitcom wives at the sight of a mouse.