Someone brought up that you need to be a Prince or King or something to marry a princess. Well, I'm going to secede a small part of property (once I buy it) from the union and declare myself Prince or King or Something. Take that naysayers.
In a related matter. If anyone knows the rules for seceding and declaring something a country, please email me at kbarollins@yahoo.com
Also, Country names will be accepted at the same email address.

I've got it all figured out. I'm going to be the King of Sweden.
"Krister!" you say, "How do you think you'll manage that with all your cunning and good looks and unfortunate American ancestry?"
Well listen up!...er...read up! loyal reader. Gah, we need a book of things with words for things that mean the same thing.
Anyway. It just so happens that one of the princesses, Princess Madeleine is 21. 21 is the age I will be next year. You see the similarities. So here's the plan. I'm going to move to Sweden, inject myself into her social stream and romance her while I learn Swedish. After we become an insepperable duo I am sure something convenient will happen to her older sister so that nothing stands in the way of my becoming king.
I will be a kind a fair and rich King. Ruling with a...hmm not quite iron...with a copper fist and a soft, marshmallowy heart. And getting paid for it.
Flawless.

I like the weather today. Its not a sunny, pleasant warm day. Its a windy, rainy medium-cool day. It has its own violent beauty. The wind confounds umbrellas, teases clothes and blasts heat off the body. The rain comes in from all angles. It is light and cool. Today is a good day to be hot.
It is, more importantly, Melissa and my first true anniversary. I'd like to be spending today with her. With the weather such as it is, I'd like to sit by a window with her and watch it. To see through washed air trees ripple and lean. To watch leaves twirl and skip and long grass bend over to kiss ponds. It would be beautiful.
At any rate, I'd rather have her by my side. Especially today.

Love is like a rose,
Pretty, delicate
and Bees buzz in your nose.

No, wait.

Love is like a Pancake Stack,
Its best hot and sticky
and Denny's sells them for 5 greenbacks.

Hmm. That doesn't really work either

Love is like a clear summer night after a day of rain.
The air is pure, sweet and fragrant,
And there's nothing you'd ever want to change.

Except the mosquitos.

If Mother Nature were here I'd punch her in the face. We had snow today. Snow! Its April 23rd! Ok, I probably wouldn't punch her in the face, but I would definitely give her a stern talking to. Something needs to be done about this weather.

I am now an Ordained Minister in the Universal Life Church as well. Some of my longer readers might remember my ordination for the Church of Spiritual Humanism. The two churches are surprisingly similar. I don't know why I haven't registered with a state yet, I would like to marry some people, I think. Its free in New York, and costs Five dollars at home in Maine. Should be pretty sweet.

Photo students be damned! Real photographers do it 24 times a second!

John: Hey, those guys think differently!
Paul: That could mean we might be wrong...
John: Well, we can't be wrong if they're dead!
Paul: Lets get 'em!

You'll find this a lot in history.

Impulse buying will be my demise. In a vending machine a few weeks ago I spied "Cherry Blasters." It really didn't have much draw, but it my inquisitive nature, I decided to investigate closer. Beneath the moniker it had a single line that read "With FLAVOUR BITS." Curious, I purchased the item. Its a kind of donut, with some sort of glaze and...well...bits of flavour injected throughout it. I've never had a flavour bit before, unless one considers that everything that I eat is, technically, a bit of flavour.
The cherry blasters earned a "meh." There are indications that they're better microwaved, but I didn't have access to one at the time. Not very healthy though, and they are also disturbingly close to a perfect circle. No donut, in my opinion, should be. I've kept the wrapping, as I find it nearly endlessly amusing. Flavour bits. You don't know what you're getting! What if its month-dead baby frog legs pulled from a swamp? What if its weapons grade plutonium? I think they were probably some sort of sugar. Apparently it is produced by Cloverhill Bakeries. Interestingly, it is a Cleveland based company, yet they use the British spelling of 'flavor.' Superfluous "U"s be damned! I want my food free of limey connections! The Brits are notorious for bad teeth, is it really a good idea to give a donut more connections to tooth decay?
I do, however, like the chef. His name is "Eddie." Neat.

Next on Disgusting Food Products I'd Better Not Joke About Because I'd Probably Try we have a cake with chunks of hamburger in it. Meat Cake.