I went to a Square Dance last night for the Reporter. It was run by the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.
I wrote an article. Sent it to Tristyn, she seemed to enjoy it. My editor liked it. He sent it to his superiors.
They found it Wildly Offensive.
So I was awoken today by Ben, my editor in this article, asking if I wouldn't mind re-editing it. So I got up and re-edited something that I had already worked hard at making not offensive.
So in the interest of...something...here's the original.


It’s a sweating sea of tangled writhing bodies.
Most unchristian.
But then, they are all wearing clothes. And they are upright. And they are dancing. Square dancing.
The InterVarsity Christian Fellowship decided to host the night of square dancing, lassoing, apple bobbing and food eating in Clark Gym this year partially because they have seen it done at other nearby schools in The Fellowship, partially because it is fun and partially because people might come and see all the secular fun these folks are having and think that attending their Friday night meetings might not be so bad.
The plan partially worked. There was a huge turnout. People came from Fredonia and Geneseo. Unfortunately, the majority of the attendees were already members of the fold, already in with The Big Guy. But they all still managed to have a ball. Or square. The entire night I’m not sure I saw one frown. Everyone was cheery and good natured.
Kinda drags you down.
Everyone there was happy and glad. A lot of them were sweaty, too, from all the running around. I spotted three guys who were sitting out one of the dances up in the back of the bleachers. “Ah,” I thought to myself, “These disaffected youths will provide an opposing angle on my story,”
Nope.
I realized something was wrong when I got back there and they were all sweaty and grinning. They told me they were up in the bleachers to get a good angle on the floor and really see everything going down while they rested up between songs. Johnny Arkansas told me he learned to square dance in the third grade. Another guy from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania told me they danced square all through high school.
Everyone there was completely happy. The bleachers were never that populated and it was always just people sitting out for a round to rest up. No one seemed to mind the weird tarp covering the floor, the cut-in-half donuts or the Drunken Interloper who came from nowhere and danced on the stage like an idiot until the guitarist politely requested he leave. Which he did.
I just didn’t really understand it.
And then it dawns on me. Little hints from over the evening; the exaggerated reenactment of the Drunken Interloper, the phrase “good clean fun,” the apple bobbing, the lasso. The phrase “a night of fun without drinking” pops into my head. And it dawns on me.
These are people with whom I have a fundamental incompatibility.
Complete abstinence is about as reasonable to me as complete indulgence. I can have fun without drinking, yes, I had a good time at the square dance. But I can also have a good time with drinking. Not too much, of course, memories are nice and I’m no fan of hangovers.
But these folks didn’t seem to have any interest in it.
I was also shocked when people started leaving promptly at 11 pm. Surely it could not have all been to go to bed. But I imagine most of the dancers also go to church on Sundays. So I guess it makes sense that they would want to leave.
Anyway, I can’t really malign the event or the attendees. Everyone was cheery and bright and had a lot of fun. I saw more radiating smiles and glowing happiness at this dance than at any large event I have been to. Can’t deny the happiness.
But you also can’t deny the extremes.

And now, for your reading and comparing pleasure, the re-edit.


It’s a sweating sea of tangled writhing bodies.
Most unchristian.
But then, they are all wearing clothes. And they are upright. And they are dancing. Square dancing.
The InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF) decided to host the night of square dancing, lassoing, apple bobbing and food eating in Clark Gym this year partially because they have seen it done at other nearby schools in The Fellowship, partially because it is fun and partially because people might come and see all the secular fun these folks are having and decide to attend the group’s Friday meetings.
Christina McKee, Outreach Coordinator for RIT’s chapter of the IVCF told me this was an “outreach event.” That they were trying to convince people “Being a Christian isn’t necessarily boring.” But the night almost didn’t happen. There was no band up until a week ago as the previously contacted minstrels were called off to one of two other coincidental square dances held that very night. Luckily, Ben Proctor was able to piece a band together last minute.
The plan partially worked. There was a huge turnout. People came from Fredonia and Geneseo. The majority of the attendees were already members of the fold, already in with The Big Guy. Christina did not recognize a bunch of people there, and was also pleasantly surprised by the number of deaf people on the floor. They all had a ball. Or square. The entire night I’m not sure I saw one frown. Everyone was cheery and good natured.
Kinda drags you down.
Everyone there was happy and glad. A lot of them were sweaty, too, from all the running around. I spotted three guys who were sitting out one of the dances up in the back of the bleachers. “Ah,” I thought to myself, “These disaffected youths will provide an opposing angle on my story,”
Nope.
I realized something was wrong with my cynical approach when I got back there and they were all sweaty and grinning. They told me they were up in the bleachers to get a good angle on the floor and really see everything going down while they rested up between songs. Johnny Arkansas told me he learned to square dance in the third grade. Another guy from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania told me they danced square all through high school.
Everyone there was completely happy. The bleachers were never that populated and it was always just people sitting out for a round to rest up. No one seemed to mind the weird tarp covering the floor, the cut-in-half donuts or the Drunken Interloper who came from nowhere and danced on the stage like an idiot until the guitarist politely requested he leave. Which he did.
Keith Hunt, the caller, who has been calling since the ‘50s said it’s “great fun to see everyone dancing out there and having a good time. It’s really encouraging.”
What was interesting to me was how extreme everyone was in their keen intent on having a night of good natured fun. Nothing about the evening upset anyone. Ben and Keith had a jocular exchange exaggeratedly imitating the drunken cavorting of the interloper. People happily enjoyed the donuts, sometimes even splitting the halves in half. The non-carbonated, and you can bet your butt nonalcoholic, drinks were consumed with equal fervor. Everyone was bound and determined to have a good time.
And they did.
Everyone was cheery and bright and enjoying themselves. I saw more radiating smiles and glowing happiness at this dance than at any large event I have been to. Can’t deny the happiness.
But you also can’t deny the extremes.

Enjoy.