27 Ways To Be A Modern Man

With apologies to the New York Times.

1. Pants are in these days. Wear pants.
2. A finger in the butt.
3. Know how to cook something in an oven. Like a pigmeat or something. Feed it to your lover with your fingertips.
4. Learn stuff from your kids, like good spots to hide boogers and stuff. Probably no sex things.
5. Cry. Emotions are neat and if you show people you have them, they won’t think you’re a robot.
6. Oooh! Design and build a robot!
7. You could design the robot to take care of number 2 up there.
8. That wasn’t a poop joke. The Modern Man doesn’t make poop jokes. Unless it’s, like, really funny.
9. Cultivate a distinct sense of style. You don’t see many deerstalkers and capes these days. Go with that!
10. Polish your shoes.
11. When you’re out in public with your lover, be sure to share an intimate moment with him or her so he or she knows that you consider him or her important. Go ahead and start talking about your living will at the movie theater.
12. Butt finger
13. Write and follow lists. Lists for all things.
14. Know where North is at all times.
15. Howling at the moon doesn’t have to be something you do on your own. Bring your family!
16. Stand on a mountain.
17. Drink coffee. But don’t be like “Look at me, I’m drinking a coffee. Mmmm. It’s sooo good.”
18. Do not discuss number 18.
19. Speak in a posh accent for a day.
20. I don’t know, scarves I guess?
21. Know how to change a tire on your car. Memorize the number to AAA. No one memorizes phone numbers any more. Millenials!
22. Learn your lover’s favorite scents and train your body to make them during acts of love-making. This may involve meditation and diet changes.
23. America.
24. Change the list to 24 ways to be a modern man. I can’t be bothered to finis

Whoa

10 Easy Steps to Fascism in America.

Kinda scary. There certainly are stepping blocks in place for a horrible Über-State. Not that it will necessarily wind up in that place. Terrifying to think about, though. What I'm not looking forward too is when the prominent activists, journalists and whatnot all disappear.

Luckily, the checks and balances are not all destroyed. There are still steps to be taken and actions against the general rotten state of affairs.

Constant Vigilance, after all, is the price of democracy. Not a sacrifice of liberties. Not a random and volatile war for capital gain.

Uh, to arms? Not literally, of course, but it'd be pretty excellent if The People started standing up for Themselves, myself included.

In an unrelated note, sometimes I'm filled with pride for some of my students and disgust for some of the others. I have one girl, for instance, who printed out a bunch of signs with the Homo-Rainbow (phrase stolen from Ween) and the declaration "These are the colors of America. I support bi and gay people." She and her friends are wearing them around school today.

That's awesome. I'm all for standing for people. And student activism!

Of course, I walked into the bathroom earlier and someone had taped it up in the urinal. That is disgusting. Intolerance, as cool as it seems, is not cool at all. It's stupid, narrow-minded bullshit. I'm preaching to the choir here, probably, but it is most definitely a putrid practice. And a couple of kids were joking about how they were going to dispose of the signs. What the best way would be.

"I'm going to rip this up and stomp on it."
"I'm going to take it home and set it on fire."

Equally as gross.