14.4.05
I want to get my MFA in Bear. Not in Ursine(fancy talk for bear) studies, but in being a bear.
Mom would be so proud.
It'd be useful for peak oil and it's myriad consequences, though.
I'm normally not a doomsayer, but this all makes so much sense. Whatever, I only worry about it when it's fresh on my mind.
Mom would be so proud.
It'd be useful for peak oil and it's myriad consequences, though.
I'm normally not a doomsayer, but this all makes so much sense. Whatever, I only worry about it when it's fresh on my mind.
What's your dominant intelligence, huh? Punk.
Mine's linguistic, apparently. I can dig it. I think I'm fairly good with words. I like to write, I considered focusing on screenwriting here at school. I didn't do it, I like having actual things to watch too much to not do that. I'm often proud of the things I write. I wrote most of a confessional sort of thing that I need to finish and post somewhere. I was also thinking about publishing it on my own. Going to Kinkos and making cheap, bound copies at 2:30 in the AM and cranking out fifty or a hundred copies and giving them to people.
It could be fun.
I don't necessarily like writing for class so much. I don't abhor it, in general, but I usually feel like I could be doing something better with my time. I should be writing something instead of doing this right now.
But instead I'm doing this.
Still feel weird about Tristyn. Thought about her a lot. I miss her. She comes up in conversations and it takes the steam out of me. I might have been making jokes and comments left and right, then she comes up and I'm left like a sock on a clothesline. I don't know what sort of a state I need to be in, but this one is hard. I get to see her in a month, so I don't want closure on her. Do I? What if I've moved on when we try again. That thought kind of scares me. From where I am right now I can't see that happening.
A month and I see her. A month and we know what we're doing.
Mine's linguistic, apparently. I can dig it. I think I'm fairly good with words. I like to write, I considered focusing on screenwriting here at school. I didn't do it, I like having actual things to watch too much to not do that. I'm often proud of the things I write. I wrote most of a confessional sort of thing that I need to finish and post somewhere. I was also thinking about publishing it on my own. Going to Kinkos and making cheap, bound copies at 2:30 in the AM and cranking out fifty or a hundred copies and giving them to people.
It could be fun.
I don't necessarily like writing for class so much. I don't abhor it, in general, but I usually feel like I could be doing something better with my time. I should be writing something instead of doing this right now.
But instead I'm doing this.
Still feel weird about Tristyn. Thought about her a lot. I miss her. She comes up in conversations and it takes the steam out of me. I might have been making jokes and comments left and right, then she comes up and I'm left like a sock on a clothesline. I don't know what sort of a state I need to be in, but this one is hard. I get to see her in a month, so I don't want closure on her. Do I? What if I've moved on when we try again. That thought kind of scares me. From where I am right now I can't see that happening.
A month and I see her. A month and we know what we're doing.
12.4.05
The story of Tristyn and my going on break:
The Forward.
I know that Tristyn has already written about this in her LJ, but I want to write about it as well. Call it catharsis.
The Text
Tristyn invited me over to her place Monday afternoon after my spanish class. She'd been animating a lot and I figured she just wanted some company while she continued to truck on. I checked homework and stuff, gave her a call to see if she wanted me to bring any movies to watch or anything (she sounded sad), grabbed some stuff to do while I was there and headed over.
When I entered her room she was sitting slouch-backed in the chair. She looked depressed. It wasn't too long before she was crying. I was a bit confused, but thought it might have something to do with her work load and how she wants a break from constant animating. I asked and that didn't seem to be it. So I asked if it involved me.
It did. She didn't say anything, but I could tell.
I thought maybe I'd done something boneheaded on accident, said something stupid or offended her somehow. She didn't come right out and say anything immediately. So I let her cry on me for a while. Then she started talking. Scary talking. Talking about how she's not sure we should be dating each other any more.
I suggested that maybe we could see a bit less of each other and focus more on work. But she wept and shook her head and said, "In my heart of hearts, I think I have to let you go."
And then I started crying.
We were trying to hold and comfort each other, which was difficult with her in her arm chair, so we moved to the floor. We were comforting each other because we're in love. But she only wants what is best for her now, and is not sure that I am it. So we cried for a while. We fell into old habits and kissed. And that itself brought it's own hurt. 'This might be our last kiss,' I thought. Everything seems so permanent. It hurts. It sucks.
The first thing I said after she said, "In my heart of hearts, I think I have to let you go," was "I don't have nearly enough rum for this." And more tears. It was a wet and upsetting afternoon.
It was even more upsetting for me because it seemed so out of the blue. I brought over some stuff to study and my guitar to tool around with for when that got boring. The afternoon was bright and sunny. The night before we had watched Bound and some discovery channel in what seemed like utter happiness. In the morning when I talked to her everything was fine. I showed up and got dumped. It's like going to your favorite restaurant and getting a root canal.
It's worse.
And then I tried to leave. And she wouldn't let me. I didn't want to anyway. I couldn't imagine walking out the door knowing I would never walk in it again. At least not as a boyfriend. I couldn't just leave. And that's what she said. She said, in the most hurt voice I have ever heard, "You can't just leave." And I couldn't.
And the screen is getting blurry, excuse me.
So we held each other for a while longer. And she suggested that we try going on a break. She'd asked if it turns out she'd made a mistake if I would take her back. And I said of course I would. And I would. I'm nuts about her. So she suggested we try a break. So she can focus on her work and we can get some real perspective on the relationship and on each other. And that sounded fine. It's so much easier than a straight break-up. So much less permanent. We will try it again at the end of the quarter. We will. It's in stone right there that for better or worse, no matter the outcome when it happens we will at least try. And that is better then nothing. It has hope, it has possibility. It brightened the afternoon. I left feeling happy. She can still be my girl, and I can still be her guy.
As the night progressed I realized that happiness might not be the correct reaction. I miss her. I will for the duration of the break, I think, but there's always hope there, too. It could be worse. It is true that it could be better, but maybe it will be better than before when we try each other out again. And that is what I hold on to.
We're on a break. It is mandatory that it go until the end of the quarter, so she's not leaving me every week. She's focusing on her work, I guess I'll focus on mine. We're allowed to see other people, but I don't know that it will happen.
I've told her that I will understand no matter what the outcome, and I think I will. But if it's negative I'm going to hurt for a while, if this is any indication.
I've also told her that I will love her no matter what the outcome, and I think I will.
This is what I've got with Tristyn right now. Hope and love. Love and hope. Hope that it works out. Love her anyway.
The Forward.
I know that Tristyn has already written about this in her LJ, but I want to write about it as well. Call it catharsis.
The Text
Tristyn invited me over to her place Monday afternoon after my spanish class. She'd been animating a lot and I figured she just wanted some company while she continued to truck on. I checked homework and stuff, gave her a call to see if she wanted me to bring any movies to watch or anything (she sounded sad), grabbed some stuff to do while I was there and headed over.
When I entered her room she was sitting slouch-backed in the chair. She looked depressed. It wasn't too long before she was crying. I was a bit confused, but thought it might have something to do with her work load and how she wants a break from constant animating. I asked and that didn't seem to be it. So I asked if it involved me.
It did. She didn't say anything, but I could tell.
I thought maybe I'd done something boneheaded on accident, said something stupid or offended her somehow. She didn't come right out and say anything immediately. So I let her cry on me for a while. Then she started talking. Scary talking. Talking about how she's not sure we should be dating each other any more.
I suggested that maybe we could see a bit less of each other and focus more on work. But she wept and shook her head and said, "In my heart of hearts, I think I have to let you go."
And then I started crying.
We were trying to hold and comfort each other, which was difficult with her in her arm chair, so we moved to the floor. We were comforting each other because we're in love. But she only wants what is best for her now, and is not sure that I am it. So we cried for a while. We fell into old habits and kissed. And that itself brought it's own hurt. 'This might be our last kiss,' I thought. Everything seems so permanent. It hurts. It sucks.
The first thing I said after she said, "In my heart of hearts, I think I have to let you go," was "I don't have nearly enough rum for this." And more tears. It was a wet and upsetting afternoon.
It was even more upsetting for me because it seemed so out of the blue. I brought over some stuff to study and my guitar to tool around with for when that got boring. The afternoon was bright and sunny. The night before we had watched Bound and some discovery channel in what seemed like utter happiness. In the morning when I talked to her everything was fine. I showed up and got dumped. It's like going to your favorite restaurant and getting a root canal.
It's worse.
And then I tried to leave. And she wouldn't let me. I didn't want to anyway. I couldn't imagine walking out the door knowing I would never walk in it again. At least not as a boyfriend. I couldn't just leave. And that's what she said. She said, in the most hurt voice I have ever heard, "You can't just leave." And I couldn't.
And the screen is getting blurry, excuse me.
So we held each other for a while longer. And she suggested that we try going on a break. She'd asked if it turns out she'd made a mistake if I would take her back. And I said of course I would. And I would. I'm nuts about her. So she suggested we try a break. So she can focus on her work and we can get some real perspective on the relationship and on each other. And that sounded fine. It's so much easier than a straight break-up. So much less permanent. We will try it again at the end of the quarter. We will. It's in stone right there that for better or worse, no matter the outcome when it happens we will at least try. And that is better then nothing. It has hope, it has possibility. It brightened the afternoon. I left feeling happy. She can still be my girl, and I can still be her guy.
As the night progressed I realized that happiness might not be the correct reaction. I miss her. I will for the duration of the break, I think, but there's always hope there, too. It could be worse. It is true that it could be better, but maybe it will be better than before when we try each other out again. And that is what I hold on to.
We're on a break. It is mandatory that it go until the end of the quarter, so she's not leaving me every week. She's focusing on her work, I guess I'll focus on mine. We're allowed to see other people, but I don't know that it will happen.
I've told her that I will understand no matter what the outcome, and I think I will. But if it's negative I'm going to hurt for a while, if this is any indication.
I've also told her that I will love her no matter what the outcome, and I think I will.
This is what I've got with Tristyn right now. Hope and love. Love and hope. Hope that it works out. Love her anyway.
5.4.05
Soon everyone'll be callin' me K Rol because of the Amazing Meganame Generator. The high school I went to wasn't Unity anything, it was Lake Region High School. But "Otter Lake Region" is way lamer sounding than "Otter Unity."
Sin City is brilliant. It's like a giant erection that ejaculates cool. Even people disturbed by the violence or questionable nature of it acknowledge it's supreme awesomeness. It is by far one of the best movies I've ever seen. I was nearly moved to tears by the sheer awesomeness of it.
It's beautiful.
Also, my thesis idea is more concrete. It isn't going to be an outright comedy like my previous ventures, but it will still be over-the-top, as perhaps only a zombie-noir can be. I'm quite happy with it right now, Johannes, my advisor, and I nailed down an ending that I think will really make it cool and worthwhile. It's going to be shot in High-Contrast black and white. In all fairness, it's been my idea to do that since before Sin City, but it'll inevitably draw comparisons. Also because it'll be dark and noiry. Anyway, I'm pumped.
Sin City is brilliant. It's like a giant erection that ejaculates cool. Even people disturbed by the violence or questionable nature of it acknowledge it's supreme awesomeness. It is by far one of the best movies I've ever seen. I was nearly moved to tears by the sheer awesomeness of it.
It's beautiful.
Also, my thesis idea is more concrete. It isn't going to be an outright comedy like my previous ventures, but it will still be over-the-top, as perhaps only a zombie-noir can be. I'm quite happy with it right now, Johannes, my advisor, and I nailed down an ending that I think will really make it cool and worthwhile. It's going to be shot in High-Contrast black and white. In all fairness, it's been my idea to do that since before Sin City, but it'll inevitably draw comparisons. Also because it'll be dark and noiry. Anyway, I'm pumped.
23.3.05
OK. So there's this:
I'm really enjoying my drawing class. It's taken the place of a production one quarter this quarter (in which I would make a movie) and I'm easily having just as much fun. It's also been useful for drawing shit! Cool. I think I might take a "Sequential Art" class next year and work on a comic book. Featuring the Zombie character from my thesis.
On to my thesis. I've got a class that meets around 10 on monday and it seems pretty worthless. It'd be better if they just set deadlines and told us we had to have certain things done by then. In a matter of protest (and fun) I've been getting drunk for it. And I don't see that stopping any time soon. I can walk to class and be sober for spanish and 2.
Spanish is going pretty well. Seems like it'll be easier this quarter than last. And we just watched a really interesting movie about some of the atrocities that went on in Argentina. A lot of pregnant women were kidnapped and their babies stolen so they couldn't grow up to become subversive. This started an organization called "Los Madres de la Plaza Mayo." Which we are talking about in my "Women in the Hispanic World" class.
Women in the Hispanic World should be cool. We hang out and talk about stuff. Read about stuff. Eventually we'll write about stuff. Mostly women and the hispanic world.
I'm also in Directing and Sound Recording. Both are fun. I'm directing a scene from The Princess Bride and in sound recording we'll be making the soundscape for a photograph. Should be fun.
Also, the proprieter of Slumbering Lungfish and Lore Brand Comics has been sick for a rather long time and not updated. I hope he gets well soon. I need a fix.
I'm really enjoying my drawing class. It's taken the place of a production one quarter this quarter (in which I would make a movie) and I'm easily having just as much fun. It's also been useful for drawing shit! Cool. I think I might take a "Sequential Art" class next year and work on a comic book. Featuring the Zombie character from my thesis.
On to my thesis. I've got a class that meets around 10 on monday and it seems pretty worthless. It'd be better if they just set deadlines and told us we had to have certain things done by then. In a matter of protest (and fun) I've been getting drunk for it. And I don't see that stopping any time soon. I can walk to class and be sober for spanish and 2.
Spanish is going pretty well. Seems like it'll be easier this quarter than last. And we just watched a really interesting movie about some of the atrocities that went on in Argentina. A lot of pregnant women were kidnapped and their babies stolen so they couldn't grow up to become subversive. This started an organization called "Los Madres de la Plaza Mayo." Which we are talking about in my "Women in the Hispanic World" class.
Women in the Hispanic World should be cool. We hang out and talk about stuff. Read about stuff. Eventually we'll write about stuff. Mostly women and the hispanic world.
I'm also in Directing and Sound Recording. Both are fun. I'm directing a scene from The Princess Bride and in sound recording we'll be making the soundscape for a photograph. Should be fun.
Also, the proprieter of Slumbering Lungfish and Lore Brand Comics has been sick for a rather long time and not updated. I hope he gets well soon. I need a fix.
21.3.05
All right. I've created a new blog to link to for tests and quizzes and results and things so this one does not get so bogged down (maybe even blogged down?) with crappy images and changing font sizes. In that spirit, here is Procrastination is like Masturbation
14.3.05
I have two ideas that I am pretty pumped about. Both are movie ideas. One is potentially feature length, t'other is closer to a thesis length, I think.
Thesis one: A man discovers a body. But it turns out the body is not dead. Biologically it should be, but the brain is fine. The body is decaying rapidly, though, and it can't communicate effectively. That coupled with how it looks immediately gives people the wrong impression. The Man and the Corpse try to figure out how the corpse was killed together.
Feature: A love triangle sort of thing. A woman is deeply in love with her husband. But he dies and comes back as a zombie. She tries to keep him but eventually loses control of him and he kills someone. She tries to cover it up, then gets her friend to investigate it. Her friend, of course, is deeply in love with her. So even though he figures out that the husband was responsible for it, he helps to cover it up because he's a sucker. Of course, by the time he figures it out she's been bitten and zombified. And she is finally his for good.
Yeah. I'm stoked.
Thesis one: A man discovers a body. But it turns out the body is not dead. Biologically it should be, but the brain is fine. The body is decaying rapidly, though, and it can't communicate effectively. That coupled with how it looks immediately gives people the wrong impression. The Man and the Corpse try to figure out how the corpse was killed together.
Feature: A love triangle sort of thing. A woman is deeply in love with her husband. But he dies and comes back as a zombie. She tries to keep him but eventually loses control of him and he kills someone. She tries to cover it up, then gets her friend to investigate it. Her friend, of course, is deeply in love with her. So even though he figures out that the husband was responsible for it, he helps to cover it up because he's a sucker. Of course, by the time he figures it out she's been bitten and zombified. And she is finally his for good.
Yeah. I'm stoked.
Alright. So the quarter's over. But here's a story about my project.
The night before I was to hand in my project to the screenings committee, the people who need my project so they can show it to the school so I don't fail, I accidentally deleted 93% of my project.
It sucked.
Don't ask how, it just happened. So, I recaptured everything. I tried my best to get it to them the next day, but there was terrible video intereference in my export. So I tried the next day, but I got a bad deck for transferring and all my sound sucked. Sucked balls. But then the next day I got it taken care of.
Then I screened.
My screening was less than successful. I got two comments. One was "I liked your credit sequence" which, while nice, is useless. The other was "I didn't get the rhyming." What the hell am I supposed to say to that? There's nothing to get. It just is, for christ's sake. Bleh. I was upset.
Then I went to florida and chilled in the keys. Which was wonderful. I read four and a half books and spent some quality time in hot tubs and snorkeling.
Then I came back and this quarter started and it seems that it'll be fairly sweet.
The night before I was to hand in my project to the screenings committee, the people who need my project so they can show it to the school so I don't fail, I accidentally deleted 93% of my project.
It sucked.
Don't ask how, it just happened. So, I recaptured everything. I tried my best to get it to them the next day, but there was terrible video intereference in my export. So I tried the next day, but I got a bad deck for transferring and all my sound sucked. Sucked balls. But then the next day I got it taken care of.
Then I screened.
My screening was less than successful. I got two comments. One was "I liked your credit sequence" which, while nice, is useless. The other was "I didn't get the rhyming." What the hell am I supposed to say to that? There's nothing to get. It just is, for christ's sake. Bleh. I was upset.
Then I went to florida and chilled in the keys. Which was wonderful. I read four and a half books and spent some quality time in hot tubs and snorkeling.
Then I came back and this quarter started and it seems that it'll be fairly sweet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)